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Every so often
I go through phases where I think that playing video games would be a
great idea, when really it turns out to be a huge waste of time. There
are a few games that i do enjoy, most of these are the kind that
everyone else hates, I like the games with a good sized story and very
little challenge. It seems that some people think that the NES was the
best system ever. I have to disagree, there are some gems on it, same
goes for the SNES.. but for every "Kirby's Adventure" or "Super Mario
Land" you'll find 30 games with Ninjas turning into scorpions, or
side scrolling suicide inducers with a cartoon character on the cover.
Somewhere there's a former Acclaim programmer sleeping like a baby
knowing that all of their games have made me want to slit my throat
after failing to make a pig version of Bart Simpson jump from one
block of ice to the next. All sorts of hipsters like to buy every old 8
or 16-bit cartridge they can because it's so retro-cool to own all of
these games, people will say that the old systems were so much better,
because they didn't rely on flashy graphics and all that. These people
obviously don't remember how terrible these things were. I thought that
the reason i couldn't get past the first level or so in the old Ren +
Stimpy and The Simpsons games was because i was a little kid and all that.
Well that's not the case, all of these games are just impossible. Jump,
Jump, blocks crumble, fail.
In other games you can be a robot and take all sorts of gunshots
and explosions, yet die by falling on a spike. Inconsistencies all over
the place, One day those stupid disappearing blocks will be the death of
me, of just the death of my TV. Just because you played a game
when you were seven doesn't mean it's good. There's a good chance it was
just crap.
I used to love Street
Fighter 2, i always laughed about how i spent nights trying to beat the
game so i could see the cool ending sequences. I figured.. hey i'm an
adult, I'm way better at playing games now, i should pick up the Street
Fighter collection.. yeah that'll be fun... Turns out I could
rarely win a match on the easiest setting, gotta love the cheap
enemies.. Yeah, i think playing this game gave me a brain tumor. If i
ever find out i have one I'm suing Capcom. Again, the philosphy of
video game programmers seemed to be... When in doubt.. make it
impossible on the easiest setting.
I'm not a hardcore gamer, I can't play first person shooters
for the life of me, but I figure i can offer up some suggestions
on games, new and old.
My top five picks:
1: WAR OF THE MONSTERS! Playstation 2
This game is great, it's what Rampage would be if it were a fighting
game. You get to pick all sorts of huge monsters based on B-movies. As
you play through the game you unlock skins to get you different versions
of the monsters. So you'd get a Godzilla Rip-off's second costume and
he'd be like Mecha-Godzilla. The more stuff you smash the more
energy you get, you can throw the other monster's into buildings, impale
them with poles and everywhere you go people run, if they don't get out
of your path you'll end up leaving a trail of blood behind you.
Sadly this game is a PS2 exclusive and it didn't get a very good run,
never became a greatest hit, and is currently out of print, but it's
worth ordering, it's easily one of my favorite games.
2: WWE Smackdown : Here Comes The Pain - for the Playstation 2
system.
 This
game is better than the games that followed it, has a good selection of
wrestlers and moves, the story mode is repetitive but the Create a
Wrestler mode is by far the best create a player thing out of any game.
Here's a picture of me in the game. It's fun if you make yourself and
your friends and then fight each other in hardcore matches, completely
ignoring the other characters in the game. The best thing is the
game is going for about $15 used these days and is a current greatest
hit so it's $20 new.
3 X-Men Legends Series For PS2, Xbox and Game Cube
The only game series i seem to get jazzed over. The first one
centered too much around some little girl, that sucked, but otherwise
ruled. Simply put, it's a beat 'em up game with Role Playing Game
elements, where you get to level up and get more abilities and you get
to use the X-men instead of some random Jappy characters.
4. Rampage (NES)
A timeless classic, a King Kong and a Godzilla Rip off go around the
country beating up buildings, smashing stuff and eating people. It's a
simple game, sometimes it's hard to beat it just because you have to
stay awake, though giving up is for the weak. You can do it! Uhh..
the updated version on PS1 and N64 is pretty sweet too. The best thing
is the first ones didn't have a set number of continues so you just
played til you couldn't take it, or until you finished.
5. Kirby's Adventure (NES)
This game is sweet, must have been one of the last NES games because the
graphics are great. Lots of exploring, you can get new abilities.
there's a challenge but it's not impossible. the main character is
pretty badass for being a pink ball of fluff. |
